Still looking at the three sides of the bill. . .
I wondered why today was so different. So dark. Just like you are, dark.
So today is your birthday.
I’m a very forgetful person but somehow, the forces around me seemed to have made an effort to make me remember it. You truly are special. You really are.
I don’t know if I really did love you. And if I did, I really don’t know if I loved you enough.
I’m really sorry.
I really tried to accept all your flaws, your past, everything about you. But really, what I have become just cannot take it.
Your threesome experience, your sexual outlet. Your drugs, sex, rock and roll lifestyle and all that shit. The way you fooled all your ex-lovers. The way you lied to everyone but me. You told me everything, I am the only person that knows everything about you. Or at least I think so.
I’m really sorry.
For letting you down. For making you feel very inferior. For hurting you because of my immature decisions and actions. And for the other things I did I cannot even bear to write.
I’m sorry.
I very well knew that I wasn’t really ready to love anyone. I knew I couldn’t bear the responsibility and all the sacrifices. I knew I didn’t have the maturity. But I did love you anyway, because I thought I could fight for you until the very end. But I didn’t. I didn’t, I fought but not all the way. I lost to my inferior self.
I’m sorry for thinking that until now, maybe you just used me. I’m sorry for the mistrust.
I’m sorry for discriminating everything in you. For all the things I have done and haven’t done.
I love you. I still do.
I wouldn’t have left home very late with almost no money with me to see you give birth to your baby. The baby I am supposed to father. I’m sorry I never took the responsibility even if I said I would.
I wouldn’t have stayed in the hospital with you for two days and helped with everything I had if I didn’t love you.
I would never have fallen in love with you in the first place if I wasn’t in love with you.
My relationship with you remains to be the most valuable experience I had in my life. I couldn’t be thankful enough to meet such a great person as you are.
I’m sorry for saying things to you that I didn’t fulfill. I didn’t promise them because I knew that I am not capable of fulfilling all my promises and I didn’t want you to expect and get disappointed.
I said I’d never promise you anything.
But I did once. It was the inevitable.
You forgot didn’t you?
But I didn’t. I’ll keep that promise.
I promise.
I will love you forever.
Happy birthday.
I realized that I haven’t been able to remember you that well for the last few months. I realized that I was trying to forget you without even realizing it myself. Because I love you too much. And I didn’t do anything about it. Because I am an idiot. You may hate me to death right now for what I did to you or not. But I don’t really care. I just hope you’d find a way to forgive me for leaving you. It turned out that it wasn’t a hero you fell in love with, it was a villain. I’m hoping that everything will get better for the both of us. I hope you’re happy right now.
I never loved anyone else like I love you.