Still looking at the three sides of the bill. . .
Forgive me for being unconventional and for being crazy. Really, now. I am feeling blank.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me this morning, she also cut the call I made just before this post which means I really must be one of the most insensitive assholes in the face of this hell.
The main cause is that I told her that I masturbated in front of someone (only one person, this person is anonymous) online. It was only one person, you know, it’s not like a live show or anything, I wasn’t even aroused or feeling horny. I did it to gross this certain person who only seeks sex online, I even gave her my number. But that was it, it was just a part of my ploy. But that did it for me, telling my girlfriend that sealed my fate with her. Some people just wouldn’t understand, rather, they would refuse to, why, they’d never, it’s how the world works.
I would admit that I even got one of my girlfriends’ messages when I was in the middle of the action. But I, being insane, continued what I was doing. I know what I did was insconsiderate and disrespectful, but it was one of those things i’d only do once in my life - I just did it in the wrong time I guess.
What if I kept mum and didn’t tell her anything? Maybe like one of my close friends who’s sleeping with 3 other girls besides his girlfriend and not even having a single feeling of guilt for what he’s doing, he just told me he found the 4th. My goodness, it was online, the person didn’t know me, i’m not the only one who did this. It was a one-time act.
I realized some things though,that i’m really an insensitive asshole, i’m bat-shit crazy insane, I’ve made a bad choice and that maybe relationships are not meant for me. I believe that this person truly loves me, conditionally though. And i’m really sorry, I have always been deviant and i’m bound to do more crazy and outrageous things in the future.
I thought about how you would feel, I was selfish to continue to do what I was doing. I have no regrets though, i’m glad I did what I did. At least I know now that it wouldn’t have lasted if we continued our relationship. I thought wrong from the start, I was really serious to the point of marrying you. Yes, I am crazy insane. And I do love you despite of what I did, it had nothing to do with you, it was me at the state of being blank. And i’m sorry. For wasting your time, effort, money, and love. I really am. I think i’m really going to hell.
I’m just crazy and I did a crazy thing. I hope you understand.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
girls are very sensitive. women’s instincts are always true. hope that serves a lesson for you not to masturbate in front of a freak seeking sex online.
-maliit na butas lumalaki. nahiwalayan ka tuloy.
March 15th, 2008 at 8:49 am
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