Still looking at the three sides of the bill. . .
Back to my ‘not so normal’ programming. Gusto ko lang ipaalala sa lahat ng napapadpad dito na yung site (o journal) na ito ay ginawa ko para sa sarili ko lamang, it was not intended to be read by other people (unless feeling ko eh makakaintindi sila, so pag nakabisita ako sa site nila eh may link yung post ko, o kahit wala na, basta nakapagcomment ako sa kahit isa sa mga sinulat nila) because sobra pa sa personal ang mga sinusulat ko dito. Bago pa man mabasa ang nasa baba ng paragraph na ito, gusto kong malaman ng (mga) interesado na sobrang laki ng respeto ko sa mga babae at karamihan sa mga sobrang mahal ko sa buhay ay mga babae. Dito, gusto ko lang isulat ang matagal ko nang hindi naisusulat, nasasabi, at napapalabas sa tunay na buhay, sa publiko.
I have Gynophobia and Scotophobia.
Gynophobia because I got traumatized by the smell of raw menstruation for so many times that I became familiar with it. It grosses me out (I know it’s a normal thing and that I shouldn’t), so the fact that women bleed once a month freaks me out (male Menophobia?). “Women are gross creatures”, maybe it’s what my subconscious always says, I can’t help it even if I convince myself that it’s not like that. Maybe I just had too many bizarre experiences that made me think this way, many people told me that I was such a bastard, and so, this is karma.
Let me recall some:
I threw a freshly re-packed napkin (news paper packed after use) in the dining table while the family was eating dinner, pinosasan ako sa labas ng bahay, doon ako natulog kasama ng mga aso. [childhood]
My first french kiss was with my sister, we almost had sex. I backed out. Maybe that’s the reason why she turned lezbo. [childhood]
I saw my sister masturbating. [early puberty]
Yung pinakamabahong substance according sa ilong ko na mabaho pa sa utot ko eh yung dugo na lumalabas sa puke ng mga babae.
I saw a lot of blood bleeding (may bilog bilog pa - spherical clots) from my first ex’s pussy after she gave birth (i’m not the father), parang container na ata yung pinagtipunan nun. [early adulthood]
And the others, I already wrote here.
At naaamoy ko pa rin siya paminsan minsan, paano kasi brand X lang yung napkin na ginagamit ng helper namin sa bahay, hindi pa gumagamit nung mga PH 5.5 na feminine wash na yan, kahit ang layo niya eh, shit, GWARKKKKKHHHHHH. Urgh, pag naaalaa ko, nanginginig talaga ako, natatandaan ko ang baho, ang lansa… Parang hinihikayat akong magpakamatay!
How do I fucking get rid of this fear?
Scotophobia, I don’t really know why but i’m just afraid of the dark. Maybe because I had many imaginary friends from hell that were so real.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
you almost had sex with yer sister? egh?! who initiated the act?
“I saw my sister masturbating.” really? pano? bakit?
*normal na yata ang maging baliw nowadays
March 11th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Eww, kadirs ka. Haha. Pero nga sino nag-initiate?
As for your phobia ewan ko. Wag mo na lang kasing isipin. Hindi nga talaga maganda smell kasi dugo ‘yon eh.
March 12th, 2008 at 10:20 am
di ko sana titignan yung link na nisend mo sakin pero same link lang din pla yun nung nisend sakin ng opismeyt ko. hmmm di nmn ganun ako na naging biktima. kahit papano mahal ko pa naman yung lalakeng un kahit ganun yun. di naman tlg pera ahbol sakin nun eh. yun pa eh ma-pride ung ungas n yun. di naman tlg victim. ano exage na term lang. love na love naman kahit papano. i mean love tlg na wala akong care sa pera kasi pera lang nmn yun. at wala din naman akong ganung kalaking kayamanan.