Still looking at the three sides of the bill. . .
I suck, literally and figuratively. And that is still a major understatement. I thought of a major diversion. Diversion for what? You might say. Diversion for wanking (I told you i’m a hedonist). I celibated a few years back but since I had my ex, i’ve been sexually active again. Wanking everytime I took a bath began to be a habit, I got addicted to doing it and became a certified wanker. What I don’t like is whenever I wank, I can’t stop myself from fantasizing certain people, and I feel so guilty about it since I believe that my thoughts violate normal morals. But… but… reaching orgasm is the best feeling ever, physically anyway. And now i’m thinking that i’m subconsciously motivating myself to wank again later in the bath. Maybe I should just get fleshlight and get everything over with. This is so wrong! But wrong feels soooooooo gooooood… Ahhhhh, ugh… ugh… ugh… fap! fap! fap! fap! Eh, at least i’m gradually losing my sex drive again (thanks, my wavering willpower).
I partly blame all of these to my ex… She had a very large sexual appetite, she’s the horniest, lustiest, most aggressive, sensual and sexual person i’ve ever been with (sex is actually her outlet). Not because she’s the only woman I had an intimate non-familial relationship to, i’m being objective. Gehehehe! Maybe she stopped having sex, at least she learned something good and valuable from me (I hope)! I believe that sex should be taken seriously, it’s not to be given easily to people. Yes, maybe I put it in the pedestal. But you know, everything has a price, and sex just happened to be very expensive (i’m writing figuratively of course). I respect it so much that I only had sex once in my life and it was rape with consent because I love (I still do) my ex very much. So i’d rather use my hand than a female’s pussy (ass or mouth) instead of fooling myself with those other horny hedonists. And now the best idea would be to stop thinking about it again! To hell with (my) sex (drive)! Down with (my) sex (drive)! I’ll think about it again once I plan to get married or have a child.
Harr, I forgot my brother’s cap in that beach meeting and i’m too lazy to go back for it.
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? Oh why??? I want to jog again but when that certain time in the morning strikes, even when the alarm works, I still can’t seem to get the fuck up. I want to jog but it seems like my subconscious says, “Oh no, no, no, no fatass, get back to sleep.”.
And so, maybe i’ll settle for the afternoon or evening jogging (might be a bad idea though since i’ll be lying back in bed anyway), and maybe i’ll try swimming for exercise too.
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck. So good.
End of release.
April 27th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Hehe, I’ve encountered a thread on a forum which had a title of “How to stop masturbating?” A lot of people are actually on the same boat as you are. Some of them even experience physical pain (like headache) after doing it. A lot of them want to stop and they’re actually supporting each other to achieve that goal.
Hey, why don’t you try cold turkey? Just like smoking. Just tell yourself to stop one day (set a date) and never ever ever try it again no matter how powerful the urge. That is if you really feel guilty doing it.
March 11th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
sex is everywhere. you can always have it. ..even if you don’t want it.