Still looking at the three sides of the bill. . .
I am not really good at most things, including like writing and stuff. Maybe I am good at a few ones but i’m sure there are a lot more people better than me at those things. There are times when I feel jealous of people that excel in what they do. Of geniuses and intelligent people. Jealous, envious, wishing that i’d be smarter, more talented and can excel in a lot of things that can be done. There are times like these, when I have a lot of my mind and I would wish that if only… If only it was easy for me to transform my thoughts into words, at least i’d be good at expressing myself. If I wasn’t so dumb, life would at least be easier.
But i’m thankful that i’m like this. A seemingly good-for-nothing individual. It’s okay that i’m dumb and maybe, stupid. At least it was easier for me to realize that I just have to work harder to cope up with those who are smarter/more skillful/talented than me and not whine about my failures. To realize that I just have to be stronger, be more diligent, and be more dedicated. To be always optimistic and to embrace life more. To have more faith and trust in myself, to be stronger. To realize that mediocrity only exists if you allow it to.
I am not a jack of all trades, master of nothing nor am I a master of everything. I am an anomaly, a master of something. If there’s something i’m great at, it’s finding solace from myself.
I suddenly found myself trying to write. I usually wrote when I felt the need to, but that was then. I think I have mellowed, it must be life, it must be change, it must be me, hoho. It’s been a few months since I resigned from work, I am thinking of studying again after dropping out of college a few times. I thought i’d get a degree first before actually proceeding with what I want to do with my life. Since I have already wasted [instead my age number here] years of my life, what’s another 4 to 7 years? Right?
I thought i’d be a businessman, or maybe a teacher. Or maybe a priest, but knowing a bit of myself, I wouldn’t preach what I can’t do/teach/follow so I think it’s best that I don’t try to be one.
If I become a businessman, I may be set for life, since i’m really good at business - especially monkey business. I could probably make a fortune. I would have money.
But I am thinking of becoming a teacher, a kindergarten teacher to be specific. I think it’s one of the noblest job around. I would like to teach people at a crucial point in their lives, when they are still not fully ‘disillusioned’ of the world they’re in. When nothing is impossible and dreams are abundant. When it is easy to convince them that life is beautiful, and living is a beautiful thing. I would have love.
I figured that i’d have both love and money so i’m looking to become a kindergarten teacher with monkey businesses. If only I could push through with what I want. My life would be heaven. Tsk.
I’m just happy that i’m alive and that I am able to experience living in a world such as this. I’m happy that I can feel sorrow, pain, grief, jealousy, doubt, and anxiety. I’m happy just because.
I feel that we can really never be happy if we think that happiness needs to be found because I think that it’s already there. We’re just too preoccupied with a lot of things that we fail to realize the fact that we can always be happy, even without reason.